Why can’t he see that a right answer can be so wrong?
"How does this look on me?" I asked hubby one morning as we were getting dressed.
~cue the music from ‘Jaws’, and close-up on his horrified look~
"It looks functionally adequate and gives you some protection from the elements," he replied. "The colors may be a bit mismatched, and the shoes are almost comically wrong, but if you tell the other women that you have a severe vision impairment, they may show you some sympathy."
At least, that's what I heard.
~slowly move camera from his blood-drained face, and cue the music from ‘Psycho’ while moving the camera towards her~
What he actually said was, "It looks fine." ~cue the ‘Psycho’ theme again~
I'd forgotten, yet again, that my hubby and I have completely different interpretations of the word fine.
To me, fine is a perfectly fine word when used for describing a preference towards bologna sandwiches or hair types.
When we were in high school, if hubby said to another guy, "Man, that is one fine machine you're driving," it was considered a compliment of the highest order.
To me, fine is something the court imposes on people who violate a municipal ordinance, such as littering or taking a leak in public.
By the time hubby got out of the shower, I had completely changed my outfit; including earrings, purse, necklace, shoes, and perhaps even my hair color.
"You looked great in what you had on before!" he protested. ~he still has the deer in the headlights look, though~
But it was too late. He had already uttered the forbidden word, and I banished the offending garments to the darkest corner of the closet.
He had forgotten that when I ask how an outfit looks, I’m really asking, "Do you still find me attractive? Do I still appeal to you? If you had the chance to do it over, would you still marry me?"
When a woman takes the emotional risk of asking her spouse to comment on her attractiveness, we should pity the dolt who shrugs and replies, "You look fine." Like most anyone, I thrive on affirmation and reassurance. Without it, we are dull and listless-and most times, we don’t even realize that we need it to thrive until it is not there.
Because I don't think the way he does, I have to keep practicing the habit of seeing life from his perspective. Which...is fine. (My sense of irony is very difficult to curb at times). Of course, that's also true for him. Because he isn't a woman, he can sometimes be oblivious to what I'm really thinking and feeling.
One day, hubby gave me a big hug and said, "My love, can I interest you in a romantic interlude beneath the sheets?" (Actually, he just said ‘wanna?’ I just preferred to write a romantic version.)
"Well, actually, that would rank on my list somewhere between 'chewing glass' and 'stabbing myself in the eye with a fork,'" I replied. "Why would I want to make love with you when I could work on my blog or chat with one of my friends?"
At least, that's what he heard.
What I actually said was, "Oh, hon, I already promised Carol that I'd help her with the decorations for her baby shower tonight."
So wives, if you have to decline a romantic overture, husbands need to hear more than "no" and the reason why you are declining. They need to hear something along the lines of, “I can't right now but how about (place time here-but make it soon!)." Women aren't the only ones who need affirmation. Guys just need it in a different way.
Although hubby and I have been married more than 17 years, we're still learning to communicate. We've found it helps to try to see things through the eyes of each other, but sometimes get stuck on trying to puzzle out the ‘whys’...like a man’s ‘nothing’ box—can someone really be thinking about nothing?
Anyway, give it a shot. If you really work at it, everything will probably work out fine.
I mean-- great!